The feelings of the heart and the thoughts of the mind often cause an inner conflict within us all. This column is a follow up to the previous Drown in the ocean or rise from the ashes. It contains thoughts and notions that are owed to someone important to me. The column left them perplexed and concerned. However these are thoughts I believe all should reflect on from time to time.
At a point where my life seems to be being pulled in all directions and I did not know what to do. It has put my mind and heart at odds. So I have made a choice to follow a path without much preconceived thought and respond to the events as they come. Mainly to see where this pursuit will lead me but also I believe it will revel new depths of my character. Also the opportunity to invest in someone I probably wouldn’t have previously had I not chosen this course of action.
Every new day I get a weird feeling of uncertainty and then reflect on it but then I feel I end up running from these thoughts, not wanting to confront them. Eventually I will have to come face to face with them, but I guess that I am hoping that my mind and heart will come to some sort of reconciliation on a sub conscious level, which I sincerely doubt they will.
This brings about the notion of that whenever we are confronted with inner conflict we initially think or say “I don’t want to deal with it right now.” However does putting to off really make it any better? My opinion is conflicted with points on both sides.
Yes putting it off is beneficial in the respect it gives us the opportunity to organize our thoughts and reflect upon them. However putting it off can make us more anxious to confront them. Running from them causes stress and possible heartache to those who wait on our responses. If we respond too quickly, it may be a knee jerk response to our natural programming and when this is done we pass up the opportunity to learn something about ourselves. But again switching back what if there is nothing new to learn, that we already know answer that dwells within us.
So what is the right course of action to take? I think that every situation is different but we must be careful in how we respond, because again we are responsible for every action, word and thought that comes from ourselves. In this particular case I have run what the correct course of action to do through my head so much that it has created chaos, but I cannot ignore this whisper in my heart. I have always wanted to be a person who lived by a hybrid of action both of the heart and mind, rather than going with one or the other. Most times I have achieved that harmony but this current event has put me at war with myself. What I am more concerned with is the person that will be caught in the crossfire. We don’t want the people we care about to get hurt by our confusion and inner conflict.
So how do we protect them while saving ourselves? Only time can tell, giving yourself time to reflect will help and the people involved in our conflicts if they truly care will give us the opportunity to think it out, but we must not keep them dangling on a string. The person involved in my conflict has given me the option to think things out and I am truly grateful. When in a position of not knowing what to our best option is, all we can do is just go with it and handle each situation as it arrives, not over-think and wait to see where we arrive in the end.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Drown in an ocean or rise from the ashes
Passion, love, lust, hate, trust and fear… all of these traits rain havoc on our lives. They give us joy and security. Everyday these emotions put us face to face with the decision of what to do. Challenges of who to trust, who to love, who to believe, and who we are going to be. Our morals, faith, ideas are constantly put to the test by this world. These challenges are countless as the shining stars above.
All my life has been this fight, a constant battle, as I am sure everyone else faces these hardships as well. This is by no means a rant upon a soapbox while striking the harmonious strings of a violin but more of a thought in the search for answers.
During the course of battle we gain ground, but we also lose ground and stumble and fall. Other times we are so weary and confused we no longer know what to do next. Or we’ve fallen so hard we don’t want to get up. These conflicts are brought on by our own use of passion, love, lust, hate, trust and fear.
Whether work, friends, family, lovers, school, or careers cause the conflict, these conflicts beat at our shields and barriers constantly till we are broken and bloody. They are not what will destroy us they aren’t meant that, the conflicts want our destroyers to be ourselves for us to give up. What about those of the prior listing, can they help…will they. What if we pull them down too or what if they are key to victory? It is not the purpose of family, friends and lovers to bring us to our knees. In fact they are very much meant for the fight against our battles. They help heal our wounds and prop us up when fallen. But as known to all many times they are also the hardest battle.
What do we do then? Do we permanently give up? That’s not and option…at least not for this warrior and I hope that isn’t an option for my fellow warriors. Do we run, give in and sacrifice and how do we know that giving in will be a sacrifice? Perhaps it may be a benefit to others and ourselves. Do we stand strong unwavering like red woods? But with our unwavering we may miss the great things that are placed in front of us. Do we take the new challenge run with it and make a reformation after the fact? Then after that reformation to find if we are satisfied with that change or not.
When facing new aspects in life we have options of how we can respond. We can respond blindly, convolutely, intelligently, mechanically, passionately, rationally, or violently. We must take into serious account these notions of passion, love, hate, trust, and fear. For they are what shape our conflicts and joys. They are such delicate notions, with the power to destroy hearts. If we are not cautious we end up hurting ourselves and more importantly those close us.
Still what is that will bring us to our decisions when we are lost, at the breaking point… can we make the right decision? Or do we even just give up because we are so unsure? This I believe is the hardest of conflicts when we are not given an A and B option.
Life is hard, passion, love and trust cause us great pain and joy. They are a double-edged sword. So the final question that remains is what do we do?
Even at our darkest hour, we have the option to drown in the ocean, or be like the phoenix and rise from the ashes. How will you fight this battle called life?...
All my life has been this fight, a constant battle, as I am sure everyone else faces these hardships as well. This is by no means a rant upon a soapbox while striking the harmonious strings of a violin but more of a thought in the search for answers.
During the course of battle we gain ground, but we also lose ground and stumble and fall. Other times we are so weary and confused we no longer know what to do next. Or we’ve fallen so hard we don’t want to get up. These conflicts are brought on by our own use of passion, love, lust, hate, trust and fear.
Whether work, friends, family, lovers, school, or careers cause the conflict, these conflicts beat at our shields and barriers constantly till we are broken and bloody. They are not what will destroy us they aren’t meant that, the conflicts want our destroyers to be ourselves for us to give up. What about those of the prior listing, can they help…will they. What if we pull them down too or what if they are key to victory? It is not the purpose of family, friends and lovers to bring us to our knees. In fact they are very much meant for the fight against our battles. They help heal our wounds and prop us up when fallen. But as known to all many times they are also the hardest battle.
What do we do then? Do we permanently give up? That’s not and option…at least not for this warrior and I hope that isn’t an option for my fellow warriors. Do we run, give in and sacrifice and how do we know that giving in will be a sacrifice? Perhaps it may be a benefit to others and ourselves. Do we stand strong unwavering like red woods? But with our unwavering we may miss the great things that are placed in front of us. Do we take the new challenge run with it and make a reformation after the fact? Then after that reformation to find if we are satisfied with that change or not.
When facing new aspects in life we have options of how we can respond. We can respond blindly, convolutely, intelligently, mechanically, passionately, rationally, or violently. We must take into serious account these notions of passion, love, hate, trust, and fear. For they are what shape our conflicts and joys. They are such delicate notions, with the power to destroy hearts. If we are not cautious we end up hurting ourselves and more importantly those close us.
Still what is that will bring us to our decisions when we are lost, at the breaking point… can we make the right decision? Or do we even just give up because we are so unsure? This I believe is the hardest of conflicts when we are not given an A and B option.
Life is hard, passion, love and trust cause us great pain and joy. They are a double-edged sword. So the final question that remains is what do we do?
Even at our darkest hour, we have the option to drown in the ocean, or be like the phoenix and rise from the ashes. How will you fight this battle called life?...
Editor's Note
With a recent bout of challenges in life I have been unable to write for The Phoenix Column I have been very busy working on other projects with The Arbiter, so I will be posting a new column later today.
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