To forgive is to be forgiven

During a recent conversation over coffee with a vivacious vixen we discussed many facts of life. She also gave me her thoughts on one of my previous columns No shame is shameful have you heard of dignity. In this column I cried out against people not having any hubris for their actions and not having shame. This brought about another aspect of the column that I hadn’t though about and that was forgiveness.
The vixen offered insight that people sometimes have too much shame and will not forgive themselves for their actions. This comment struck me with much surprise that I had not thought of this sooner. While the concept has always existed to me I hadn’t given it credit while writing that particular column.
We all have made mistakes that we feel there is no forgiveness for. Whether it has been personal harm to someone we care for or something that is detrimental to ourselves. Sometimes there are things we can never take back; those actions may leave wounds that will never heal. That is the ramification of mistakes. We all have scars that will forever remind us of being hurt. I find it ironic that the people we love most bring on the deepest wounds.
When we are unable to forgive ourselves even if it is really not our own fault or the person harmed has forgiven us, it begins to pile up on our conscience. What do we do then? Turn to a life of working to a state of redemption? Or do we let it wear on us till we fall into a chasm of despair? The better thought is that one can hopefully forgive and move on. We all have the capacity to forgive those who caused harm and pain to us. We also have the capacity to forgive ourselves for our own regrets. When we finally do forgive the next question is do we actually do it? Even if we say the words “I forgive you” do we actually mean it? That I believe is for something based on each and everyone’s unique personality. Whether they are truly letting go of the mistake and growing from it, or letting it dwell within them like and underlining poison.
In the end we are given two options “forgive and move on” or “don’t forgive and go on living in a jaded pain”. What is the purpose of living on in pain I ask you, other than to keep us wary of a repeat performance in pain and tragedy. However having that dense of guard can block us from seeing the amazing things in front of us.
Eventually we have to take the chance and trust. I tried living in a life of not trusting anyone and keeping them at a permanent arms length… I don’t recommend it. I don’t want to die a life of loneliness. So try to forgive those who wronged you, I agree some acts are unforgivable but not letting the acts that are forgivable is only holding ourselves back and holds those who truly matter away from us.
We must also remember that even thought the people who hurt us the worst are the people who can heal those wounds the best.